My Thousand Words

So my friend put up this picture on MySpace, and it has a caption "that picture is worth a thousand words" aaaand so I felt the urge to write a thousand words.



November 7, 2006 9:01 PM
Well sir, if you say it is worth a thousand words, then I guess it must be. And I know you aren’t going to write a thousand words to describe a trees, because I’m pretty sure you mojies don’t know a thousand words in English. Tal vez (two words) debo decir algo en español para ustedes. Ok, this is a picture of un arbol, y tiene hojas rojas porque ya it is autumn, where the leaves change color and fall off the tree and photosynthesis is no longer performed. The tree is quite tall, and if a kitten climbed it, the firemen would have to use one of the tallest ladders to get it down, because the kitten’s owner was an old lady who is going crazy and she doesn’t realize that cats are able to climb in two directions: up and down. Anyway, once they get the ladder, they are going to have to be very careful because there is a power line right there, I think you can see it, it is near the bottom of the picture, it is metal and has wires. Pero tal vez es para teléfonos. Anyway, it could hurt someone. And nobody wants that. Luckily the tree is not very wide and heavy, so if it falls over during a storm, it probably will not destroy any houses. But if a kid was standing under it dressed in a lion suit, next to his dad who pulled down his pants to moon their neighbor, those people could be knocked over by it, though not seriously hurt. I just want you to know that the end of this sentence marks two hundred eighty-one (281) words. Back to the pic. In the bottom right corner there is the date the picture was taken. October 29, 2006. However, I happen to know that you were in VIETNAM on that date. You know what this means. I am Isaac’s daddy. I’m sorry you had to find out this way. Above the date is a black bar. Who knows what this is? No one in the world could ever know this. Lucky for you I am not in the world and therefore know exactly what it is and how it came to be and why it exists. It is the handle of a weapon known as the TRX-920 semi-automatic cooled plasma rifle, manufactured only on the sixth moon of Jupiter: Europa. It is there that these are made, due to the low temperatures on the moon's surface, but relative closeness to earth. I created them to give to humans to defend against those that wish us harm, but I have not yet created enough, as there was an accident causing all the handles to burn. That is why it is black. It used to be hot pink, to frighten aliens. I’m sure you are wondering why the TRX-920 is in your picture, so I will have to explain myself. I was following you that day in VIETNAM, when you saw the arbol de hojas rojas, and I heard you say “La de roja, me la coja” or something similar, and I thought you were trying to say that aliens were attacking, so I got out my rifle as quickly as I could, and it slipped out of my hand and into your view right as you clicked the button. I later erased your memory because no other human can know of this technology, but I didn’t realize that this evidence existed, and I am now forced to disclose my secrets to all humanity. Even those from VIETNAM. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Now, the trunk of that arbol de hojas rojas is made of a brown substance very similar to wood. In fact, it is wood. That is why it tasted like wood when I was interrogating it later in my bunker, twenty floors below sea level. The sky behind the tree is calm, like the ocean before a storm, and cloudless, like an empty cotton bag. When I peer into this picture, it stares back at me, deep into my soul, making me feel all the feelings I thought I would never feel again, such as love...jealousy...and my sense of smell. Although this picture reminds me so fondly of a love I once had, I cannot go back to that place in my mind, for it is there that I keep the explosives, and one wrong move could trigger and emotion explosion, and then the picture would get all messy. Although, if it were a real explosion inside my head, the red bits of me might just look like more hojas rojas on tal arbol. What I’m trying to say is, This picture is worth a thousand words, and every person in the world will come up with a different thousand, because no matter how much we try to be like each other, all people have a different mind, a different perception, and a different amount of insanity brewing inside. Maybe one person lost their virginity under that tree. Maybe another killed their first mouse by waiting in that tree with a sniper rifle. I could never know all the memories that tree was a part of, but I know that most people won’t look at it that way. Because it isn’t special. It isn’t taller than all the others, or majestic, or green all year long. It is just one tree, inconspicuous among others. It threatens the life of a nearby pole with wires attached. It stand up against the TRX-920. It will stand for years to come. People will come and go, and the tree will stay. Its leaves will fall off, the become green again next year. Next Halloween it will look the same as it does now. Someone will take a picture of it. Someone will climb on it. It is under the sky. It is near the TRX-920. It is above the power pole. It is a tree. One Thousand.