Know

Seems like life is flying by, and not leaving time for mistakes. Good thing mistakes are just a part of life, eh?

But my point is, it isn't stopping. And that means I need to get as close as I can to the people I know, because what if I love them? Someone I say hi to all the time might be my best friend if I talked to them more. I wish I wasn't so shy and introverted, because I want to meet a lot of people and get to know them. I want to be popular, to always have someone to talk to, and to love many. I want people to know that I am there, that they can talk to me. How do I make myself known without seeming arrogant or...retarded?

Maybe people read me differently because I give off such weird signals. I can see it when I watch myself on video camera. I am a strange duck. Someone told me that, and I didn't really believe I was that different, until I tried to suppress it all. I don't know how long it would take for me to be able to do that, because it is really hard. I'm gonna need to just keep being the strangest guy I know, and take the risk of annoying some important people in order to remain myself.

It's all so hard. Social Living. I don't want to find someone the same as me, because I wouldn't be able to stand that much of myself, but I wonder if I could find someone that will be able to live with all the weirdness? Of course, I would have to be able to live with them too. It just seems hopeless. I'm really not feeling down right now, I am just looking at it all from a stepped back point of view.

Seems like every second I let pass alone is a mistake, a wasted second that I'll never have back, when I could have been learning something new about someone beautiful. They don't have to be a girl or guy (well, one or the other would be nice) I'm just feeling the need for knowing. Knowledge? Social Interaction? Yes please.

But I want to know what it's like to be normal. I'm afraid I'll never know. I know I should be myself, but I still want to know.